"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
