Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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