Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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