There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
