my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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