Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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