You're my little dorito
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
