OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
