She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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