i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
