remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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