if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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