I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
