nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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