And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
