It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
