Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
