didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
