i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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