we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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