Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I looked at my own cervix.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
