Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
