I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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