1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize