The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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