I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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