This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
