Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
