He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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