she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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