I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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