Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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