I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
