yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
