Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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