My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm at about main and main street
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
