Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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