how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
