if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
