when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
