cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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