She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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