Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
false alarm, still single
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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