Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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