The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
