It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
