I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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