Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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