Cold hands, warm shart.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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