how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
