If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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