I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
