My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
