i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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