why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
