kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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