I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
