she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
