The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So squirting runs in the family.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
