girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
