Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize