I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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