well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
