He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
