Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
