Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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