where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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