My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
