thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
