used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
