It was confusing and full of hummus
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
