i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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