Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have post one night stand depression
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
