DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
